I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
