Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
