its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
