Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I party with great urgency now.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
