I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize