just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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