you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
