I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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