My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
