Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
