You're so nebulous sometimes
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize