I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Are we still banned from the library?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
