cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize