it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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