is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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