So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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