i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
