her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize