Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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