3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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