ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
