i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
