Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
