some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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