it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
