well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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