I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
