It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
