I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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