Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
