His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
