okay pat passed out under dana's car
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
