He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
