there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
