we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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