Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
