he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
