i need an iv and a liver transplant
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
