apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
