my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
