I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
