i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
