it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize