please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
