when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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