I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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