Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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