either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
