I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
