I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
