I'm so fucking centered right now
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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