Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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