I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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