I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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