I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
