absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
