We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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