i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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