thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i wish my penis had a tongue
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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