you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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