I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
