Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
