Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
