Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
