using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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