my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
