am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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