What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
How's work?
Spinning.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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