She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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