Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
