Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize