i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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