I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
