just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
