glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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