I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
