Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
