best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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