We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
