im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
