just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
