My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize