Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
