So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
