NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
