Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
