i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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