i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
