People in love make me want to vomit
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
