How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
