and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
