she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize