some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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