Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
