guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
