you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
