My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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