Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
is it fun? or sober?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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