It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
false alarm. still invincible.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
