No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
