Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
