Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
