i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
third nipple confirmed
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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